Good morning - come in !
Insert idle chit chat here..................yaddy yadda yaddadadadadadada ! yadda da da da ?
YADDY YADDA YAYAYA DADADA MOMMA MIA !!!!
Now on to the real stuff
I came across a blog last week where it said the author was a Lifestyle Expert.
How is that even possible?
How can someone be an expert on a lifestyle for anyone's life other than their own ( and even then I can't seem to get my own right let alone others )
I'm always suspicious of any blog that proclaims itself to be " expert " in anything. At. All.
What a presumptuous description !
Can people actually buy into that crap?
You really do get wiser as you get older ( trust me - I'm an expert on that )
I have a few addictions I've never discussed here.
One of them is fries,
I know they're bad.
I know they'll probably shorten my life span.
BUT. I. CAN'T. GIVE. THEM.UP.
Don't suggest that I bake them in the oven - because they taste like cardboard that way.
I don't eat them nightly - or weekly - but I can't go a month without whipping up a batch.
( and now I'm being completely dishonest because it's more like twice a month )
I go on these healthy eating binges - and then - WHAM BAM THANK YOU SAM - I'll have a fry with that salad !
They say you are what you eat - how gross that I'm a greasy slippery french fry.
But to be honest with you being a carrot stick isn't that appealing either, is it?
Anyway that's the only addiction I'm willing to talk about this week.
There's another one that rhymes with BROCOLATE - but I'm not ready to talk about that one just yet.
The thought crossed my mind last week that if Marco Rubio is the next President of the U.S. then the entire continent of North America will be ruled by 2 44 yr olds - ( Justin Trudeau - our Prime Minister is 44 years old as well ) what are the chances of that happening again? Here or anywhere else on the planet for that matter? These are fascinating facts people and please remember where you read it first.
I was clearing out some pictures and I came across this one of Soda ( and fell apart for a little bit ) look at her tiny paw prints in the snow.......sniff
And the next day I was cleaning out some drawers in the front porch and came across that very same jacket ( and fell apart for a little bit )
Now what do you suppose that means exactly?
She hated the cold as she got older ( so do I )
She jumped around in it as a young pup ( so did I ) but really hated it over the last few winters.
I think she's telling me to let go.........that she's nice and warm where she is now
And if that's not the most pitiful feeble attempt at comforting myself I don't know what is.
Ok - lighten up for crying out loud ..........
I wish I lived in a reality where I could say CRIKEY and not sound like a complete jerk !
I always thought it was just Australians that said it - but I've heard it said on Downton Abby now as well.
I tried it on John a couple of times this week.
Suzan says - CRIKEY ! CAN YOU FIX THE WIRE ON THE VACUUM BEFORE I KILL MYSELF PLEASE?
John says - The what-what?
Suzan says - Oh CRIKEY - I think you're going deaf
John laughs out loud
Suzan says - What's so CRIKING FUNNY?
Just because I have twins - and this fascinated me
I bought a glue gun.
A long long time ago ( when the earth was green and there were more kinds of animals than you've ever seen )
And I have no idea where I've put it.
So...............I've emptied every drawer on the premises and still can't find it.
The good thing is that everything is pretty organized right now.
The bad thing is I need to buy another glue gun.
The good thing is they sell them at the dollar store now.
The bad thing is that once I buy it I'll find the other one nestled somewhere
The good thing is that then I'll have two of them
That's it -
You can only milk so much out about a glue gun on a blog post
I'm pretty sure I've told you this before - but I have a certain " condition " in that when someone talks about a condition they have e.g. a cold - strep throat - a root canal - a bad cut from a knife - tendonitis - a bad knee - etc
I mysteriously end up with it
All of it.
I'm not joking about that either.
So...........last week when my girlfriend called me up to tell me she had hemorrhoids so severe that the Doctor claimed he'd never seen anything like it - I went into complete panic mode.
Of course I feel bad for her - terrible in fact - but she knows what happens - WHY WOULD SHE TELL ME SUCH A THING???????
Suzan says - You know I'm feeling a little nervous
Girlfriend laughs - I know - I was very hesitant about telling you
By the way - I'm in the process of having a root canal - a totally unexpected one - 2 weeks after this particular girlfriend mentioned hers to me.
I keep calling and texting her to remind her that she has to have this " thing " taken care of .
She seems touched by my concern - so we'll just leave it at that..............for now.
That root canal?
One of my daughters is a Dental Asst.
Mom says - I'm falling apart - literally I'm falling apart.
Lindsay says - Ok Mom - enough with the dramatics - you need a root canal
Mom says - My teeth are going to start crumbling in my head now ...........
Lindsay's been laughing about it since I said it - she keeps picturing my mouth turning to dust and when I open it to speak just dried dust tumbles out.
She has one hell of a SICK take on things.
These are serious issues.
So.........I babysat Evan last night
Who was a perfect little monster almost the whole time - he cried and screamed his little heart out.
I tried to feed him but he cried so much he started choking on his bottle
I laid him on his tummy - he howled - I tried to rub his little tummy he kicked and screamed louder
I bounced him on my hip walking all over the house and singing to him the entire time - he just bawled.
I brought him upstairs to my bed and rocked him till he fell asleep and then I sat there beside him a virtual prisoner.
There was no way I'd move an inch........no how.
Until I needed to blow my nose and went into a complete panic.
I ended up opening a drawer as quietly as I could and blowing my nose in a pair of socks.
DON'T JUDGE !!!!!!!!
That's how much I love him ( well that's my story and I'm sticking to it )
I can tell you I've never done THAT before so it must be love, right?
His parents came to the door and I wearily came downstairs only to have him start bouncing in my arms with the biggest smiles and giggles you can imagine.
I may love him but he loves THEM !
Ok - I'm off here - I have tons to do this weekend and I need to get some writing time in -
hope you all have a wonderful one and that Spring is inching it's way toward your part of the world.
I'd blow you a kiss but I'm nervous of dust flying out of my mouth.