Monday, August 6, 2012
I try so hard to be upbeat, really I do - and normally it's no work at all - I am by nature a positive person and that's what has kept me going all these years in the midst of some pretty big disappointments - heartaches - and everything else that life throws our way...............
I see humour in mostly everything and love sharing it ( hoping that someone else will smile at the very least )
And I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing ( I suppose like all women ) that grief goes in here - no time to deal with it now - that disappointment goes over here because I simply can't process it at the moment - that
worry I'll just put over here on the back burner - that hurdle will have to sit in here for a little while longer until I can jump over it. And I really believe that's the difference between getting through life with a smile on your face - or sitting in a corner weeping for eternity - it's all in time management - and life management -
in being able to compartmentalize - some are better at it then others - I'm the queen of it really - everything gets filed away - and dealt with as I am able to................bit by bit - one by one - I open the boxes and DEAL with it when I'm ready. ( admittedly there are many boxes I've yet to open - but they're there waiting for me, stacked up on shelves I've built internally - neatly stored away )
But what do you do when things are too big to fit into pretty little boxes - and you have to stuff them - pack them into your soul - where, because they are not restrained with ribbons and bows they just run amok in there threatening to open all the other boxes we've tucked away?
I've nowhere to put these mass shootings - I'm full to the brim already - and yet they've happened and they have affected me terribly and so they have to go somewhere. Even if you wanted to deal with the anguish head on, they're coming at us faster then we could ever process them, I mean this is not something that takes a day or two to get over right? And it's not something I was raised with so it isn't like I've had a life time to deal with it ( oh how my heart aches for countries where this is the norm ) this is relatively a new trauma we North Americans are facing. This is no longer stories we are hearing on the news of far away places - these are happening in neighbourhoods some of us know too well.
Do we stop shopping ?
Or going to school or going to school or going to school?
Do we stay off of planes
Do we avoid movies
Stay away from places of worship
And is this how depression starts?
Because of one last item that we simply can't compartmentalize.....................................
Although I try to keep my blog light - with bits of humour dotted here and there - from time to time I need to
let some of the trash out - and I've nowhere to put this last horrific crime against humanity except right here on my blog - I'm so sorry but it just won't fit inside of me -
And I think it's important - for me - for my sanity - for all of us - to take a moment out and at the very least " mention " what is happening - in outrage - lest it becomes the "norm" for us as well.
And as is happening far too much lately my thoughts are once again with strangers and their losses -
Kathe with an E
Adorned from above