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Friday, August 28, 2015

A FRIDAY CHAT ( about this & that )

Hey Guys !

It's Friday ! Come in Come in !
I'm bursting at the seams to talk !

Grab a coffee and meet me in the living room

That's NOT the living room - that's the den - did you get lost ?

It isn't normal how often we get lost EVEN USING A GPS !
Does this happen to everyone ?
We put our complete faith in her and she fails us.  Often.
John refuses to ask for directions.............it's a man thing that I will never understand.
Once when we were driving around in circles a couple of years ago - I flung my head out the window at a red light and begged the driver next to us for help - but before he could answer the light turned green and John sped off - yelling at me that he knew where he was.............................
That wasn't what I was worried about - it was where we were going that he had no idea about.
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Which reminds me of an incident many many years ago.................teenage years to be precise.
I REALLY shouldn't be sharing this story because you're all going to think I was some kind of hoodlum but the truth of the matter is I DID have a couple of hoodlum moments. ( and a couple of hoodlum friends - nothing huge - just silly teenage pranks really )

Like breaking and entering.

I remember one winter night - there was a gang of us out - probably 9 or 10 of us - and it was freezing.
Montreal kind of freezing which is the worst kind in North America I think.
Anyway - one of the guys in the group decided to jimmy the lock on a garage door of a high rise building and we all scurried inside to get warm - like a pack of rats actually.
No sooner had we " busted in the joint " then the janitor appeared - I swear we were in there for no more than 3 minutes.
Everybody took off - except for yours truly - I stood there frozen in terror ( you wouldn't want me as your getaway driver I can tell you that )  He marched me upstairs to his office where he promptly called the police - who promptly sent a PADDY WAGON - talk about overkill.
I had a couple of Shawshank Redemption moments - frantically wondering how I was going to escape - but ultimately gave in to the men in blue..............I sat looking out the back window as my friends threw snowballs at the vehicle slowly bringing me to the police station - snowflakes gently falling from the sky ( where else would they be falling from ? )  & teardrops not so gently falling from my cheeks in anticipation of my impending incarceration.

They made me empty my pockets upon entering the police station - and brought me into a room where I was certain the torture was going to begin ( I quickly gave them my rank and number )

Who's idea was this - they asked
Mine - I replied
( as much as you wouldn't want me as your getaway driver - I'm fiercely loyal )
We don't believe you - they said
I shrugged my shoulders - ( sort of like - do what you want with me - I'm not talking )
Anyway after 30 minutes or so of this - I heard my Mother walking into the station.

HORRORS !
This terrified me more than the police - I still don't get that to this day - but remember I was ( am ) an overly dramatic actress person.

We got in the car and she decided to take me for a drive ( I suppose for a talk - except she wasn't talking ) along the LAKESHORE !!!
And for some reason I was convinced she was going to throw me in the river.
That's it - she was done with me - when we stopped at a red light - I slowly turned my head over to face the driver beside us - and mouthed HELP ME - PLEASE ............

My Mother caught me and burst out laughing -

Mom says - You're acting like I'm going to throw you in the river !!!

Personally? I think she changed her mind because that man would have been a witness after all ( once they plastered my pics all over the paper in my apparent " accidental " drowning )

So wherever he is today - he saved my life.
And I'm eternally grateful.
If he hadn't pulled up at that exact moment - oh I just shudder to think of it all.
Like Blanche DuBois - I've always relied on the kindness of strangers.....................
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Since Ashley's ready to deliver at any moment - and the call display is broken on my phone - I've taken to answering it like this

HELLO !!!!!???????!!!!!!!!!!??????????

John says - Why the hell are you screaming?
Suzan says - I keep thinking it might be Ashley
John says - And if it is?  You're going to scare the hell out of her
Suzan says - Well I'm terrified of the call myself to be honest with you
Suzan says - I have everything ready
John says - What on earth do you need to have ready?????
Suzan says - Well I've got clothes on the chair to slip into in case it's the middle of the night - a toothbrush - a sweater too - hospitals are cold
John says - YOU'RE NOT GIVING BIRTH !!!!!!!!!
John says - Where are you going ?
Suzan says - I need to put deodorant in there too !
_________________________________________________________________________________

The Duggars :

From PEOPLE MAGAZINE

In their own 2014 advice book, Growing Up Duggar, four of the Duggar daughters – including Jill, 24, and Jessa, 22 – shared that the family has a code word, "Nike," to help the men avoid lustful thoughts if an attractive woman crosses their path. 

"That's a signal to the boys, and even to Dad, that they should nonchalantly drop their eyes and look down at their shoes as we walk past her," they wrote. 

Says the Duggar family source: "They say it, and all the boys look straight down to the floor every time. It's like an automatic military thing. Things like that blow my mind." 

WELL..........................

Either Josh didn't have the word NIKE ! screamed at him enough...............or they should have switched brands - maybe Reebok or Adidas would have had more of an impact?

If John started screaming out Manolo or Jimmy Choo - every time we went out walking - I'd simply run past him to the nearest shoe store and buy a pair.
It wouldn't stop me from anything that's for sure.

And it most certainly does not stop a sexual deviant.
Obviously.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Someone ( hi Cathy ) asked why I didn't show my home on my I WANNA live there series -
Well the answer is it's nowhere near ready.
And the thought crossed my mind -
THAT corner's kind of nice
THOSE ornaments are sweet
THIS section looks amazing
But when you put them all together you wonder when on earth it's ever going to be finished.

Suzan says - It's like we're living in a cluster of vignettes !
Johns ays - A cluster of what- what's?
Suzan says - Vignettes - they're all over the place but nothing's finished  ( phew that was a close one - I almost typed THERE instead of THEY'RE - and then what on earth would you think of me? )
John says - What the hell is a vignette ?
Suzan says - I KEEP telling you what it is
John says - I don't remember - and I don't know if I like living in a cluster of them
John says - Is it shoes ?

I wanted to scream out NIKE just to see if he'd put his head down.............but I bit my tongue - because there ARE clusters of shoes everywhere.
_________________________________________________________________________________

I'm trying really hard to cut back on meat...............( thanks to my Vegan daughter ) so we've been eating it only 2 days a week ( give or take 4 days )
It's been surprisingly effortless.
One of our " meat " nights last week was chicken .
I HATE cleaning chicken or turkey.  I always end up queasy doing it - ( since forever )

Suzan says - I hate preparing poultry
John says - Well you're very good at it
Suzan says - At what?  Preparing it or cooking it?
John says - Huh?
Suzan says - Well you said I'm good at it - doesn't make any sense
John says - I DON'T MAKE SENSE?  YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT POETRY OR NOT?

Rose are Red - Violets are Blue
I could throw poultry ( or maybe a shoe ? )
Right where he's sitting ( or in that direction )
( but it would be done with the greatest affection )
_________________________________________________________________________________

Once we were in Paris at one of the trade shows................and one of our New York clients asked me what I thought about George Bush.

I'm going to call the client Michael - ( not his name )
A Big Wig buyer ...................

Suzan says - No way Michael - I'm not getting into politics with you
Michael says - Why not?  I'm curious what others - outside the States -  think of him
Suzan says - You'd better ask someone else - I'm not going there.
Michael says - You're being a little paranoid, don't you think?
Suzan says - I'm NOT mixing business and politics Michael - no way - you may as well stop asking me

We sat - me showing him fabric - him glancing up between looking and asking over and over again

Michael says - How fragile do you think I am for God's Sakes?  I'm very liberal minded - I'm not going to fall apart here.
Suzan says - OK !  I'LL TELL YOU - I DON'T LIKE HIM !

We never got another order from the company again.
Ever.

Fragile?
Nah - no way was he fragile.
Spiteful - maybe.

Can't people be of 2 different minds and be friends anymore?
Why is everything so divisive now?

Anyway - I'm at the point where I hate them all equally today.  I don't know what's left or right - can't we all meet somewhere in the middle ?  Because that's where I stand - somewhere down the middle of the line
( now that I'm middle aged )  At the end of the day isn't it ok that I like him and you like her?  The " twain " doesn't have to meet on every single topic, does it?
_________________________________________________________________________________

There was another time ( the show after the one where Michael dropped us ) when one of the mills we represented took clients out on a boat cruise on the Sienne..................again these were big NYC clients - even bigger than Michael's - one of them took a liking to me.  Very casual flirting but it was making me uncomfortable.
He followed me around for 2 hours. - he showed up at the booth the next day and hung around - dropping little tidbits of information - like how much his family was worth.

Well isn't that nice for you - I said
It could be very nice for you too Suzan - he replied.

I was beside myself - kept telling him to go hang around someone else -

John says - Well don't lose this customer on us too for God's sakes !
Suzan says - WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT ME TO DO - SPEND A WEEKEND WITH HIM???

( Now keep in mind at the time we were in Manhattan on a monthly basis ............so a weekend jaunt wasn't as appealing as - let's say - oh I don't know - a client in Barcelona perhaps?
This story may have had a complete different outcome LOL )

That man called me every week for 6 months -
Without fail.
Every single week.

When the calls stopped so did the orders.

There's a lot of game playing in business..................and if you're a player I suppose you could really reap the rewards.
We had 2 choices - either cut back on business - or I become a floozy.
I know, I know - we should have cut back on business .................

Had you going for a sec didn't I ?

My virtue stayed in tact - our finances didn't LOL

But it's ok - I'll stay at home and play scrabble with my Man any day of the week.
Sometimes I even give him a hundred point advantage.
And if that's not loving him.........................

There's not a man today who could take me away ( except for Anthony Bourdain but that's a whole other post ) .....................
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You all have the most wonderful of weekend's
Love to you all
Me




Wednesday, August 26, 2015

A HUTCH MAKEOVER !

Good morning everyone !
Today I'm going to be a woman of few words..............because my brain is so tired I can't think of anything to say ( sometimes that's a good thing )

So here's the " story " of a hutch - or china cabinet - makeover - in pictures.
Meet Mrs. Calabash.




I was asked if I could switch out the mirrored back for bead board - so I decided to weather it to go with all the sanded edges on the piece - an old worn look
First I painted a quick coat of graphite in all the grooves and along the perimeters of the grooves


next I applied a coat of Paris Grey - making sure to leave some of the Graphite showing through


A " wash " of Old White ( half paint half water ) was then applied over the grey 


Then quickly wiped into the paint ( I only do 2 sections of the bead board at a time because this dries very quickly ) 




Here it is in place


I also bought an applique because although the doors have pretty picture molding - the drawer was plain


Painted the lower interior with Paris Grey


Then I sanded all the edges -





Another small change I made was putting the fretwork on the inside of the glass - it was on the outside and I can't imagine how annoying that must have been to clean !  The interior would stay cleaner than the exterior so it makes more sense, right?



The handles were " sprainted " in a pewter grey - and she's done !
The shelves are glass - so Robbie ( the owner ) kept them at her house - which is a shame because I wanted to stage this piece :)


Now I'll tell you...........this piece gave me a couple of nightmares with bleed through.- shellac - shellac and more shellac.  And the beadboard on the back?  Well first I bought beadboard wallpaper - and did a crappy job so had to scrape it all off.  OMG - it was the type where you have to apply paste and that paste? N.I.G.H.T.M.A.R.E. to get off !
Then John measured the back and went off to buy beadboard.
EXCEPT HE DIDN'T BOTHER TO WRITE DOWN THE DIMENSIONS OF EACH SIDE.
So when he came home

John says - The guy who cuts at Home Depot made a mistake
Suzan says - What do you mean?
John says - It's too short in height and too wide in width..............

You know where this is going right?

John says - What an idiot - I gave him the exact measurements !
Suzan says - Did you have it marked as the cuts going the right way?
John says - WHAT DOES THAT MATTER?
Suzan says - Well if you didn't - then the height would be too short and the width would be too wide.............

He stormed out the door to buy another piece - and this time gave the cutter the right measurements.

So wallpaper - and 2 sheets of beadboard were purchased to get this piece done :)
But baby, look at her now !
( doesn't she look like a " flasher " with her doors open ? ) 



Here she is lit up

ASCP OLD WHITE & PARIS GREY PAINTED HUTCH

Here she is with a wreath hanging on her ( hey - I took approximately 100 pics - you have to let me post more than is necessary !) 

ANNIE SLOAN CHALK PAINT OLD WHITE & PARIS GREY

And the most important pic of all?
Here she is when she walked into my " office " for a facelift !


You've got to scrape a little ♪
Paint a little  ♫
Work until you faint ( a little )   ♫ ♪
That's the story of - that's the glory of love  ♫

You've got to plotz a little  ♪
Weep a little ♫
And lose a whole lotta sleep ( a little ) ♫ ♪
That's the story of - that's the glory of love ♫

As long as there's a tin or two ♫
I've got a brush and my two hands ♫
So when the world is through with them ♫ ♪
I can give them one more chance ♪

You've got to sand a little ♪
Up the stakes a little ♫
Wax 'til your hand breaks (a little ) ♫ ♪
That's the story of - that's the glory of love. ♪

You've got to stage a little ♫
Rage a little ♫ ♪
Watch each piece make you age ( a little ) ♪
That's the story of - that's the glory of love ♫

I LOVE what I do

AND I LOVE THIS PIECE !

( you've got to nag a little - sag a little - and every now and then brag a little ...............)

ASCP OLD WHITE/PARIS GREY PAINTED HUTCH
For someone who didn't have a lot to say - I never shut up once during this post
Don't come by on a day when I actually have something to say - you'll be sorry !

Have a wonderful day everyone 
I'm working on another piece as soon as I get off this computer :)

In the meantime you can listen to this version.................
Take it away Mr. Durante !



Goodnight Mrs Calabash..............wherever you are.
Hugs
Me


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