Whenever John walks into the house he bellows out " HELLO ? "
Sometimes I'm expecting it and I simply say hello back
But sometimes I'm concentrating on something and don't even hear the door open - so that booming
" HELLO ? " can almost give me a heart attack.
Seriously - I just about jump out of my skin !
Now you have to keep in mind that this could mean just going outside to rake - it's every time he walks in whether it's because he's been on a business trip ( which is perfectly understandable)
or whether he just ran out to the store.
So I thought he'd LOVE this sign !
I ran outside while he went to Home Depot and promptly put it on..............and waited
and it worked !
this time he didn't belt out HELLO !
instead
John says - WHY DOES IT SAY HELLO ON THE FRONT DOOR????
Suzan says - I find it welcoming - and now you don't have to worry about saying it every time you come in !
John says - The mat say " WELCOME " - the door says " HELLO " what's next - are the windows going to say " HOW ARE YOU " ?
He's dead serious when he says these things.
I - on the other hand - am doubled over - he has no idea how hilarious he is.
Later on when we were watching t.v. - out of the blue
John says - Maybe you should put " GOOD - BYE " on the inside of the door.
Suzan says - Maybe I should put " DON'T LET IT HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT "
John says - Nah - that would just be rude.............I'm not rude
Suzan says - HELLO?
Have a great day everyone !
I'll be spending a good part of it untangling lights because I never learn to put them away properly.
Hugs,
LOOKING FOR INSPIRATION?
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Come in - grab yourself a coffee and some cookies - I've been basically baking for a week now.
Shopping.
For food in particular.
Does anyone else get embarrassed by what's on the roller thingamajig ( conveyor belt ? ) when you load up your groceries?
Say if it's filled with a lot of sweets or junk?
I try to load up all that garbage first so it's gone and then all the healthy food choices are left for the person behind me to study.
I do that you know.
I watch the person in front of me unload theirs and I make all types of assumptions.
Try to figure out their lives from their tell-tell food shopping.
Oh this one lives alone................
Wow - they give their children a lot of crap
Tsk Tsk - too much soda pop
Sometimes I see something I want and have to weigh the odds of stepping out of line and sprinting around the store trying to find it AND make it back in time for my turn.
Like I'm on a game show.
I don't go often - I'm actually forbidden to go because I have no control - but when I do................
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When I was a kid my mother would scrape food off my plate if I didn't finish it............and finish it herself.
Makes sense I suppose.............it's family after all.
But I can't do that.
Even with my kids ( although I was one of those tyrants that made them eat every drop off their plates - I look back sometimes and just cringe at how controlling I was ) but I could never have shared a drop of food even with my own offspring.
One of those quirks I suppose.
Saliva can not be shared.
Unless YOUR willing to share it FIRST..............as in let me have the first bite -
I have no qualms about my saliva being shared - I just can't handle the thought of some of yours in my mouth.
My friends all knew to give me my own little bowl of dip at parties - all of them - or I couldn't have any at all.
I was aware of double dipping long before Jerry Seinfeld brought it to everyone's attention.
So.................
Last weekend I baked.
A lot.
And before freezing I put out a container of mixed cookies for us.
I opened it up a couple of days later to find 2 cookies that had been bitten into !!!
Now keep in mind that John and I are empty nesters. So it's only him and I that could have taken a bite and it wasn't me.
Suzan says - DID YOU TAKE BITES OUT OF THE COOKIES AND PUT THEM BACK?
John says - No - as he chuckles
Suzan says - I can't believe you would do that - now I can't have any of them
John says - Don't be ridiculous - I might have taken a sample of a couple of them
Suzan says - Don't you realize your saliva stays on the cookies - omg - I'm going to be sick
John says - You sound like a CSI agent for Christ Sakes -
John says - Should I put gloves on before taking a cookie?
Suzan says - It's not your fingerprints I'm concerned about.....................
John says - Why did you put chocolate mint in so many of them ?
AHA - there's the proof !
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The Politcally Correct Police are at it again - this time their focus is the " Ugly Christmas Sweater "
OCD - of which I am one of the lucky recipients to have - in this case stands for Obsessive Christmas Disorder ( of which I also have )
Target has been accused of making light of mental illness................
How ridiculous are we all getting at this point?
I think it's a fun play on words personally - I may just buy two of them ( because I can't buy 1 of anything - part of the disorder ) Hey ! Maybe that's what they were aiming for - double the sales !!!
And then just because................
There's the Jewish version............
Chai means Life...........and is pronounced High ( with a bit of phlegm involved and I can say that because my Grandfather was Jewish and I toast " L'chaim " to his memory every year )
Chai Maintenance - High Maintenance
I think it's brilliant - really I do ( of which I'm one of the lucky ones to be high maintenance )
and the J.A.P. ? - Jewish American Princess?
I've been called that since I was 10 years old - that's the truth - especially by my Jewish friends.
I was baptized a Roman Catholic and I'm not offended when I'm called it.
Who are these people that sit and pounce on anything they feel isn't " kosher " ? Pun intended !
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Sharon from AT RIVERCREST COTTAGE asked if John had an accent - like James Bond.
John does in fact have an accent ( he swears he doesn't ) but it's a Yorkshire accent - not as posh as a London one.
Half the time I didn't know what he was saying when we first started dating -
As in :
Tatties - HATE that word - I absolutely hate it - it sounds too much like Titties to me - and I hate that word too. Anyway it means potatoes,
But the first time John said it to me we were still in the dating stage - and I had made him dinner - he told me something to the effect that he LOVED my tatties..............and I thought - wow - he can't even wait to finish dinner?
Anyway - I flashed him - very quickly - showing him my tatties and he almost choked on his POTATOES.
We still laugh at that.
Here's some other Yorkshire ( isms ) I've indicated the words John uses..............although he says he grew up hearing all of them
Allus - always ( still says from time to time )
Band - rope
Beck - stream
Bray - to hit
Chuffed - very excited - or proud ( says often )
Faffin' - messing around - " quit faffin' around " ( says often )
Flit - moving out of your home ( still says from time to time )
Flummox - confused ( still says from time to time )
Frame - move it !
Fratch - fight ( still says from time to time )
Gaffer - Boss
Ginnel - narrow alley - only enough for 2 people to get through ( heard him say it once or twice )
Lig - lazy or laying down
Lug oil - ear hole
Mashin - brewing tea ( still says often ) NOT mashing tatties - or God forbid titties
Maungy - spoiled - acting like a baby ( still says from time to time )
Midden - out house ( John says it's the outhouse shithole - see ? NOT posh at all )
Mind - watch out ! ( says constantly )
Nobbut - nothing - " nobbut to do "
Nowt - nothing ( still says from time to time )
Owt - anything
Parky - cold outside ( still says - often - hey he moved to Canada ! )
Peff - cough
Playin' Pop - getting into trouble ( John's Mother said it often apparently )
Silin' - heavy downpour " it's silin' it down " ( still says from time to time )
Sneck - Nose ( John's favorite expression - " keep your sneck out of it "
Spell - a splinter - OR - a time frame
Spanish - Licorice
Spice - Candies
Stalled - fed up ( still says from time to time )
Suited - pleased
Sup up - drink up ! ( still says from time to time )
Think on - remember ( still says often )
John swears he moved to Montreal to teach us colonists how to speak English properly...............I think he came here to learn it myself.
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Yesterday in my shower I shaved all my lady parts - under my arms - legs - bikini line - you know.
The shaver was blunt - really blunt but it was the last one I had so I just continued shaving away hoping at least some of the hair would be removed.
Got out of the shower and while I was moisturizing myself ( I can actually hear it getting sucked into my skin that's how dry it is ) I noticed it was like I hadn't shaved.
At. All.
So I turned around to grab the razor and throw it out when I noticed the plastic protector cap was still on it.
I shaved my entire body with the cap covering the blade.
Very methodically I might add.
Dear God - I'm becoming my grandmother............really I am.
Ok - I'm off - I'm going to attempt to shave my armpits............again.
And on one last note.
My thoughts this weekend will be in California................
Sometimes I wish there was a time machine I could buy a one way ticket for.
I'm not over Paris yet and now this - the world feels broken in thousands of pieces.
So does my heart.
Prayers for all.
California dreamin' on such a winter's day.
I put a few logs on a grate and covered them in lights
Now the reason I was hesitant to give a full picture is because we don't have a huge room ................so it's almost impossible to get a photo face on of the " faux " fireplace.
I moved the bed over as much as I could before it hit the other wall...........laid down on the bed as flat as I could get - but my legs were in the way - so I laid there spread eagled with my legs splayed up in the air and John walked in...........
Why I was embarrassed I have no idea - but I was - completely embarrassed to be in such a vulnerable position!
John says - WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?
Suzan says - Trying to get a shot of the fireplace
John says - You need to take photography classes - I don't think that's a normal pose
John says - WHY IS THE BED PUSHED AGAINST THE WALL???
Suzan says - Because it's in the way
John says - Did you see you snapped off a piece of the trim ?
Suzan says - Is that what it was? I heard a crack !
John says - Well I'm glad I didn't do it - I'd never hear the end of it - but if it's for the blog.........
That entire conversation happened with me in that position by the way - waiting for him to get out so I could continue .................
As he walked out of the room he casually mentioned the MIRROR I have placed right over the Christmas lights
I never thought to even look in the mirror - but it was horrifying - once again he saved the day or this would have looked like an entirely different type of blog !
At the very least it wouldn't have looked very wholesome - trust me
Create your own DIY Faux Fireplace for dummies HERE
Have a wonderful day everyone - the week's half over !
Hugs,
Me
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I ordered this online from Target ( we no longer have Target in Canada but we can order online )
John says - What exactly is that thing you have hanging on the ladder?
Suzan says - Well if you need me to tell you................
Suzan says - It's a stag head
John says - I know what it is but it's horrible ! It's bad enough we have an outdoor ladder in the living room now you want to dangle animal heads off it?
Suzan says - It's fun - the little ones will love it !
John says - It's going to give the little one's nightmares
He obviously did NOT pay attention to Mary Poppins............I took her very seriously
In every job that must be done
There is an element of fun
You find the fun and snap !
The job's a game
And every task you undertake
becomes a piece of cake
A lark ! A spree !
It's very clear to me
Just some leftover ribbon and a broken ornament
A broken ornament
A broken ornament
Justt some leftover ribbon and a broken ornament
Creates the most delightful deer !
John says - Well now it looks even more ridiculous
But it's staying - because I don't know any little ones that think Rudolph is ridiculous - he's the most famous reindeer of all :)
The Grinch will get used to it ................he always does !
Have a great one everybody
Hugs,
Me
LOOKING FOR INSPIRATION?
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I won't turn the t.v. on or listen to the radio because I simply can't absorb anymore of the grief the media keeps pounding into our brains.
I'll have my shower and head downstairs
I'll get out all my supplies and put my apron on
And I'll bake............
I'll bake for Ashley and Chris who have taken on the role of parents with such love and I'll just about burst for the little creation they brought into the world in September.
I'll bake for Gordie and Vanessa - and Vanessa's 2 little girls who have stolen my son's ( and ours ) heart away.
I'll bake for Lindsay and Tony - shaking my head and smiling because I can't use any animal products on those particular cookies - I tease her but I'm oh so proud of the stand she's taken. She walks the walk.
I'll bake for Annie and Mathew who fell in love as very young teenagers and have shown us the art of parenting with such grace that it can literally take our breath away.
I'll bake for James and Su who have been through so much and have come through it all on top of the heap
King ( and Queen ) of their world.
I'll bake for all the little ones...............and let them sneak one or two before Christmas dinner because that's what Lollys and Pops do. And if their parents walk into the kitchen I'll hide them under the table or behind my back while they giggle out loud and I'll say loudly " get out ! they're NOT in here ! "
I'll bake for Soda who always got little nibbles of the " throw aways " this is the first Christmas she's not with us in 16 years - it's been 2 weeks and nothing feels quite right yet.
I'll bake for all the in - laws of the above - because without them - our children's happiness could not be complete.
I'll bake for John who has never - not once - given up.
On anything.
But mostly me.
Because he loves me - as difficult as that can sometimes be - he loves me.
And my cookies.
I'll bake for all of the reasons above..........as I do every year.
And as I blend all the ingredients in I'll think of us - our big blended family.
But the truth is this year I have to put extra heart into it
This year what happened in Paris has totally devastated me and so I have to force myself into the kitchen.
Life does go on.
It doesn't stand still even when it's filled with those that seek to harm us.
And the only way I know to honor those whose lives were lost is to go on.
To keep my traditions.
To tell them your life was not in vain.............
And to assure their families that life will continue - our values will stay intact - they will not win.
They can create unspeakable sadness but they cannot destroy who we are.
I'll bake
And I'll bake
And then I'll bake some more
Until I feel nothing but comfort and joy
And then I'll wait for my favorite Christmas movie to come on - because despite it all - no - in spite of it all
It's a wonderful life.
It's also a precious and fragile one.
So for some reason it feels right that I be in my kitchen - working with my hands because that's where love begins for me.
As soon as I sign off on this post - I'll go downstairs - put some Christmas music on and preheat the oven.
And than I'll mix - beat - roll - sift my way clear into this next season.
We can talk about the world tomorrow..................
Today I'll bake.
Hugs,
LOOKING FOR INSPIRATION?
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So the thought randomly crossed my mind the other day that I haven't worn lingerie in over 15 years.
I'm not quite sure why - but I'm definitely sure that I won't be putting any on for another 15.
I have 2 drawers filled to the brim with sexy numbers - why I have no idea - and then a couple that look like something June Cleaver would have worn - and I really have no idea where those came from.
Anyway after struggling to get into a few of them - I finally found one that fit ( sort of - kind of )
I took a long bubble bath.............put a little makeup on - fluffed and tousled my hair and slunk into my little sexy number - and casually ( and as gracefully as I'm able to do - which truthfully isn't very graceful at all ) I entered the room.
John looks up from the t.v. and says - Where you going?
Suzan says - Excuse me?
John says - Why are you all dressed up?
Ya know..............you try and try - well at least once every 15 years and this is the response you get?
Suzan says - WHY WOULD I BE GOING OUT IN LINGERIE???
John says - Oh - I thought it was a fancy dress or something
Suzan says - I put it on for you for crying out loud
John laughs
John says - It looks nice -
Suzan says - Thank you
Suzan says - This isn't how it was supposed to pan out
John says - How what wasn't supposed to pan out?
Suzan says - YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO RAVAGE ME NOW
John says - Why would you do this right in the middle of a hockey game?
And that was that.
I changed into my joggers and t shirt.
When your better half thinks lingerie is a " going out " outfit a little teeny part of the spontaneity and magic has disappeared. ( unless you're a hooker of course - then your husband would just think you're going to work and tell you to have a nice day )
I'll let you know part 2 of this story.
In 15 years............
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While I was rummaging through my lingerie I came across a corset type of thing and decided I'd try it on.
I almost broke every bone in my fingers ( and ribs for that matter ) trying to do it up and it probably took me a half hour but I got it on.
Holy Cow!
It was pure magic!
10 pounds lighter at the least ( although my face was a strange shade of purple from the excursion )
I then ran and got out a cute little black dress I have and slipped it on.
I stood there in awe - there were curves I haven't seen in many years ! Actually in ever since I was never much of a curvy person - I was always too skinny for them and then I ended up with a pouch ( does that quantify as a curve ? )
I did a little pirouette in front of the mirror in glee - my eyes never leaving my image - until out of the corner of my eye I noticed something..........
Something really strange.
WHAT THE HELL?
SHIT !
There - in full glory - were two breasts growing off my back - right on top of the corset where I guess all the fat ended up.
OMG - that's a shock to the system let me tell you - when there's enough back fat to create back breasts large enough to fill a bra.
I had a breast reduction about 5 years ago because the ones in front were too big...............and now this?
I ripped the corset off and they magically disappeared.
But if this isn't proof I need to go on a diet I don't know what is...........like immediately actually.
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So I went downstairs and made the largest bowl of ice cream I've ever had in my life - sprinkled with pecans and hot chocolate sauce.
I'll probably sprout breasts on my knees next but I needed something to steady my nerves !
This getting older messes with your brain...........and your priorities.
A girlfriend and I were lamenting about the state of our bodies this week -
Suzan says - It's not normal to be this concerned with the " shell " Darlene
Darlene says - I know - what's wrong with us?
Suzan says - I don't know but I think we should be a little more grateful to " BE " instead of so unhappy about how we look.
Darlene says - You're right...........
And then we made plans for a huge spaghetti dinner with all the girls in December - there's nothing like proving you're ok with gaining weight like pasta, right?
Except what I didn't tell her was I'm going on a crash diet........just so that I'm skinnier than her when I walk into the room.
Leave me alone already - I need to do this !
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When my twins were born my grandmother ( who I always considered a very large lady - looking back with weight filled glasses - I realize she wasn't that huge - big yes but not huge - BUT she had ample breasts - it's a curse in our family ) would come over and if they cried she'd fold them into her folds basically and they'd stop instantly.
Babies LOVE fat.
I used to marvel at that !
Until last week over at Ashley's.
She ran out to pick up a few things - Evan was in his swing when he let out a bellow -
I hurriedly ran over and picked him up - squishing him into my belly - and pressing him against my breasts.
He stopped crying instantly.
I looked down at his face and thought - " These extra pounds Evan? Enjoy them now sweetheart because I can't keep them - even for you "
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My daughter took pics about a month ago of all of us.
Sitting in the den.
I'm sitting cross legged in one of them and it looks like my legs are an extension of Mars -
Cellulite.
But that's a post for a another day.
I'm thinking back fat has to be a priority at the moment.
Mister Fat...........you know - that little bastard that sneaks in with a bowl of French Onion Soup - or garlic bread and quickly finds a place to hide in your body ..........it's only able to run inside if it's hidden in really good food - there's no place for it to hide on a piece of lettuce.
Suzan says - John - if I ever put anything on and you notice I have breasts growing off my back - could you please tell me?
Johns says - What the hell are you talking about now?
Suzan says - You'll know - trust me you'll know..............and it's your solemn duty to report it to me, k?
I can't believe I'm putting this out there but I'm thinking it'll kick start me into that diet earlier than later.
This is me
sucking my belly in
the problem is you can't live comfortably doing that - it hurts
eventually you have to let some breath out and walk around naturally
this is me
naturally
Walking around with my eyebrows arched AND sucking my stomach in at the same time is too confusing.
I end up trying to lift my belly and suck my eyebrows in from time to time.
I think there's still some ice cream left - I'm going down to get a bowl..........
I had to get a little inventive hanging these
The window frames on the side of the house are metal ..........so I hung the wreaths on the shutters instead.
( which took double the wreaths )
I'm not finished - still have a couple of more windows to do - and I have to figure out how to do the upstairs one on the slanted roof in the front - without dangling out and risk falling flat on my butt.
These wreaths were bought at the dollar store - they're just tinsel on a plastic frame - very flimsy - I had to put ribbon on the top and bottom to secure them.
It was a really windy day - and I was up on a ladder with the wreaths whacking me on the head constantly while I tried desperately to hammer nails in ! I'm telling you people must think of me as the " crazy lady "
around here.
It needed a little snow out there - it snowed in Chicago - in Ontario and in the Maritmes - so East - West and South of us........like we were in a little bubble or something - I decorated with flip flops on !
And so I went to bed thinking " now I need a light dusting of snow - please "
And when I awoke ....................
Oh my gosh - is that all it takes to get what you want?
Do you think it was the " please " ?
Because if it's as simple as that - I have a slew of things I want
Like.............
Now I'd like peace on earth............please and while I'm at it Now I'd like to look 10 years younger...............please and what the hell - if it's not pushing things too much
Now I'd like to win a lottery - a huge one.........please ( if I can only have one - I'll take peace on earth because I really just can't absorb anymore of the grief and horror that's happening all over the world - especially my beloved Paris ) The snow is melting as I type but it'll be back
Lord knows it'll be back ( no matter what I want ) and really there's nothing like the first snow fall - even if it's a bare minimum - there's nothing like it at all - it's pure magic.
Have a wonderful day everyone !
To all my American friends - hope you have the most wonderful of Thanksgivings !
Big hugs,
Me
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