Good morning !
You're bright and early !
Come in, come in .....................
Can I offer you anything?
Coffee - tea ?
When one of my daughter's was a little girl she couldn't grasp the concept of dreams.
So a typical morning over breakfast would go like this
That was a good dream we had last night Mommy !
What did you dream about honey?
You know ! You were in it with me !
No sweetie - it was YOUR dream - in YOUR head - so Mommy doesn't know anything about it.
But Mommy - YOU WERE RIGHT BESIDE ME - YOU SAW THE CARE BEARS TOO !!!!!!!!!
So some of you may have seen this dream I had last week - not sure - but a ton of you were in it.
I dream of different variations of this quite often actually.
We were all at some type of blog fest...............giggling at how ridiculous it all was ( I'm sure blog fests are not ridiculous - this was just a dream we all had remember )
There were all kinds of DIY'ers on stage - giving us tutorials on how to make things and one of YOU pushed me up there.
And then you all started chanting - TALK TALK TALK...............
One of you said gently - just talk Suzan - tell a joke - you're good at that.
It was horrifying.
What's wrong with you people?
Please don't ever do that to me if we meet at a real life blog fest, k?
But did you all notice the diy'er up on the stage? And everyone oohing and ahhing over whatever she was making?
You know who I mean.................
YOU WERE RIGHT BESIDE ME - YOU SAW HER TOO !!!!!
There used to be a playhouse in Manhattan called the Zipper Club ( named that because it was once a Zipper factory I believe )
It was an incredible venue................filled with all kinds of seats - from cars - trains - folding wooden chairs - love seats - couches - buses - anything they could cram into the space.
It was my favorite place to watch a show.
We saw a few acts there over the years...............one of them was Margaret Cho.
She put on one of the most hilarious shows - ( I love her bits about her childhood and her Mom in particular)
As her finale she stripped naked and spead her arms out ( like a tada moment ) and the audience went nuts.
I joined them all but I was very confused.
And I still am to this day.
I don't get nudity - or the cause to celebrate it.........never did.
Is it my generation I wonder?
Are we prudes underneath a layer of " I'm so cool " ?
I get it in it's art form - I just don't get the rest of it -
LOOK AT MY NAKED BODY - I HAVE NO INHIBITIONS - I'M FLAWED AND I'M STILL PROUD
People taking selfies of stretch marks or breasts or whatever and people congratulating them ?
The last thing on earth I'd ever want to do is stand naked in a room full of strangers. What's the point?
Isn't that a recurring them of nightmares, now that I think of it.
Maybe that's it?
Overcoming your fears?
I went to one once.
But kept the panty part of my bikini on.
And here's why.
The young nymph exercising in one corner made me feel horribly inadequate.
And the old man jogging down the beach turned my stomach as he ran by - winking at me
His extremely tanned wrinkled chest and man boobs jiggling with him.
Get off the beach you perv !
For any of you that think I'm not into self expression - I AM.
I self express every time I work on a piece of furniture !
I even sometimes strip it down to it's bare wood.
I'm fond of bare wood.
Just not so fond of 80 year old bare wood flip flopping all over a beach, if you know what I mean.
I wouldn't stand on a soap box and try to have nudist colonies or beaches removed because I believe in freedom a little too much - but they aren't for me.
Live and let live.
It's my motto.
If you want to cover yourself up from head to toe for modesty purposes
Or strip naked and let it all hang out.................go for it.
As for me I'm most comfortable somewhere in the middle.
And speaking of modesty.
It didn't seem to work out according to plan for them.
Those side hugs ( which I thought were the coldest way to embrace someone I'd ever seen )
A hug has to be full force - full frontal ( the horrors ) to express how much you care for someone - don't you think?
I ( and maybe it's just me ) have never - not once in my life time - had a sudden impulse to go any further than the hug. It's not a turn on for pete's sakes............it's a show of affection - and if it is a turn on - there's a bigger problem than side hugging can fix.
I also " rock " when I hug - sometimes swaying back and forth as I'm tightly holding on.
With a side hug that would look like a vaudeville act.
If someone side-hugged me I'd want to lift my skirt and start kicking my legs up in the air and break into a can-can - so for me personally the side hug would have the total opposite effect - wanton ( prudish ) woman that I am.
And speaking of the Duggars.
Whom I loved ( past tense ).
WHAT THE HELL?
You don't get to use God as your platform to spread intolerance because people are different than you.
You just don't.
If you despise Gay people just be honest and say that..............jf you hate Transgenders - that's YOUR hate
That's what lives inside of YOU - ( leaving less room for the holy spirit I might add )
And you especially don't get to warn people that Transgenders could be child molesters when you're hiding a secret as ugly as this. The sheer audacity of it is staggering.
And yet it seems to have become a polarizing divisive issue.
I don't get it - I seriously just don't get it.
It's bad when anyone does it - no matter which side they're on politically.
This was not a " mistake " - it happened over and over and over again.
With a sister as young as 5 years old ( allegedly )
He wasn't just a " kid " it went on until he was 15 years old - a young adult.
He didn't only touch them over their clothers - there was at least 2 times he went underneath clothing.
This is so much graver than " mistakes " this is a pattern
It shouldn't be a left and right issue - or a Christian issue - it's a human issue. Involving little girls.
I watched the interview where they tried to share their " hearts " fully wanting them to make sense of it for me - but by the end of the interview I was even more horrified than before it started.
Michelle clearly had notes on her lap - Jim Bob kept looking down at his phone. They didn't speak from their hearts at all - they spoke from a script.
Did anyone else notice how they tried to downplay what happened to the girls?
It seems to be all about Josh - who said that he realized going down the path he was on was going to ruin his life. HIS LIFE. Not his victim's lives.
One of the ways they tried to fix the problem was by putting locks on the girl's doors ( which poor Jill said was part of the amazing way their parents handled it )
LOCK THE GIRLS UP?
THAT WAS PART OF THE SOLUTION?
WHY DIDN'T THEY LOCK UP THE PERPETRATOR?
They allow TLC cameras into their home - they allow Megyn Kelly into their home - and refuse to allow the DHS in? WHY WHY WHY ?
If you've got nothing to hide why refuse them entry?
And then to find out the cop who took care of it is in prison for child pornography?
We won't even talk about Bill Gothard...................( but you can simply google to find out about sex related scandals with him too )
Mike Huckabee is standing by them. Which is admirable I suppose - they're friends after all.
But now we find out that the the man that co authored books with Mr. Huckabee (Roy Moore) has
( allegedly ) been excommunicated from his Church after being accused of molesting a little girl?
What is going on here?
Put a fork in them - they're done.
And if they aren't - I most definitely am.
I understand that Josh has asked God's forgiveness...............but society is a whole other matter.
There's a reason there's juvenile homes and prisons.
Should we let everyone out because they've asked God's forgiveness ?
I wish the girls well - truly - I wish them all the best that life can offer them.
But I have no intention of watching it happen ( TLC is contemplating a spin off )
I suppose the money these reality families earn can be very addictive and hard to let go of - but just take all that money you've earned and be happy you earned it.
Damage control is impossible when you're denying damage was done.
I was fascinated by this family - I'm admitting it ( a little embarrassedly now ) and how they made it all work.
Now ( slow on the take sometimes ) I realize you simply cannot raise 19 children.
Not without having children raising children in the end.
I feel for Jana - she's like a live in Nanny - a young beautiful woman who can't leave the house until her father finds a suitable male and allows her to leave on his arm.
And even though I see the tiniest bit of rebellion going on ( I'm noticing they no longer have to perm and curl their hair like Bill Gothard and Jim Bob prefer) I still don't see her saying " enough " and walking out the door.
It's too extreme for me - it was fun watching when they were all younger..............not now.
What say you? Forgive and forget? I can't.
Really I just can't look at him.
And Michelle - who I used to adore?
Ok Suzan - just stop - that's enough.
We have a beam off the living room - there's dry wall over it - it's painted and there's molding on the bottom of it to dress it up a little - but it's a B.E.A.M. as in it's part of what's holding up the building.
Last week while crouched between it and a dresser I was painting I got up too fast and smashed my head into it so hard that I literally bounced off it and almost knocked myself out.
I was laying on the floor groaning in acute agony
John yells from upstairs - WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT - THE WHOLE HOUSE SHOOK !!!
Suzan says - Oh it's just me - dying.
I really thought I was.............going out with a bang so to speak.
John came running down the stairs to find me curled up on the floor clutching my head.
Suzan says - Seriously - I think I'm dying.......................
John says - You're NOT dying - here - get up
But the whole room was spinning - I had to crawl up the stairs where upon I stayed up the whole night - too afraid to go to sleep.
AND I NEVER EVEN GOT SO MUCH AS A TINY BRUISE !!!!!!!!!!
So when John says I'm a hard headed woman - you know he ain't just whistling dixie.
Betrayed by Chocolate...................
John says - Well I'd better get outside
Suzan says - Why?
John says - I want to get some of those weeds from in between the pavers
Suzan says - Oh THANK YOU !
A few minutes went by and I went out to ask him if he wanted a glass of water
and there he was - sitting back on one of the deck chairs ............eating a kit kat bar.
I stood there watching him until he realized I was standing there - and he guiltily looked up and offered me the tiny crumb that was left.
Suzan says - Oh you have a chocolate bar
John says - I've had it for weeks
Suzan says - You didn't have to go outside and hide in a corner to have a chocolate bar you know
John says - I didn't - I just remembered I had it, that's all.
I came inside - and pondered it all.
Is that the point we've come to?
Hiding a chocolate bar?
Can't the man have a lousy piece of chocolate without having to go on a guilt trip?
Why was I feeling just a tiny bit upset ?
Just because I would automatically buy 2 of them - one for me and one for him - certainly doesn't mean he has to, by any means.
Later on that night
Suzan says - I feel like a chocolate bar
John says - ARE YOU NEVER GOING TO LET ME LIVE IT DOWN?????????
THAT, my friends, is a guilty conscience - I'm sure of it - I bet that wasn't the first time he's betrayed me.
So............ when he was asleep - I crept into the room - very quietly opened my end table drawer -
and took out my stashed Werther's.
I've had them for weeks.!
JOHN CAME HOME WITH A KIT KAT FOR ME LAST NIGHT - ALL'S OK IN OUR WORLD !
Lindsay and I are planning a shower for Ashley !
It'll be a Jack and Jill -
I was thinking of addressing it this way
Bring your Mate !
Bring your Spouse !
They can help me fix my house !
What do you think?
My heart is in South Carolina today - and will be for awhile..................
Horrifying and senseless - the places those should feel the safest in.................no words
Sometimes even I have no words.
But here are some famous ones from " South Pacific " ( one of my favorite musicals )
I know I leave you with songs in your head a little too often - but this one?
You've got to be taught
To hate and fear,
You've got to be taught
From year to year,
It's got to be drummed
In your dear little ear
You've got to be carefully taught.
You've got to be taught to be afraid
Of people whose eyes are oddly made,
And people whose skin is a diff'rent shade,
You've got to be carefully taught.
You've got to be taught before it's too late,
Before you are six or seven or eight,
To hate all the people your relatives hate,
You've got to be carefully taught.......................
Full frontal as tight as I can ones -