Good Morning everyone !
Tea's on - there's some coffee over there as well - help yourself :)
John's version of cleaning ALWAYS involves a roll of toilet paper in his hand.
It drives me insane.
It. drives. me. insane.
Because there's always little bits of it laying around the house.
Soda has an accident? Toilet paper to the rescue - dry pieces first - which I get - but then wet pieces - no soap involved whatsoever.
Spill a bit of coffee? Toilet paper
Get mud on the floor from outside? Yup - toilet paper to the rescue.
John says - This toilet paper's crap as he's wiping up a mess with a wad of wet toilet paper and it's disolving all over the place.
Suzan says - It's not a multi functional product - it was invented for one thing and one thing only.
John says - B.S. - you can use it for all kinds of things
Suzan says - Cleaning the house should not be one of those things !!!
I can't afford a facelift right now so I've been practising looking perpetually surprised - try it - it takes 10 years off !
Sunday morning I tried it out on John
Suzan says - It's snowing outside !
John says - Well don't look so surprised - it's March...............
Suzan says - Did I look surprised AND younger?
John says - Not really - just surprised
But I don't believe him.
The only problem is everything you say has to be an exclamation point worthy remark ( or you'll just look stupid )
You have to use a lot of the following types of sentences
Wow I did NOT know that !
OMG - that's amazing !
Holy cow - I can't believe my eyes !
Oh ! You scared me !
You're how old? You look incredible ! Surprised but incredible !
You have to completely stay away from offering condolences - because a surprised look would be off putting in that situation.
And you can't hang around sad people obviously - but other than that, it works !
Sometimes I imagine someone coming by my blog for the first time and landing on one of these chats.
Can you imagine what must go through their minds?
WTH is this blog about?
It makes me giggle to myself.
If this is your first time here please know that I sometimes do things LOL
Let's see now, what else ? ( scratch that question mark - it's really an exclamation point ! )
Oh - for years I couldn't pronounce NETANYAHU - I would pronounce it a different way every time I said it................
NET ANY WHO
NETANNE YA WHO
John says - ( this week ) What's so difficult about it - Net In Yahoo..................
So whether I'm happy or not that he was re-elected ( not ) I get to be able to say his name - properly - for the next few years when I'm complaining about him.
I've been using it for the last 2 days constantly.
I don't want to sound like just ANYYAHOO when talking about world politics.................
And speaking about mispronouncing something - I'm one of those people that correct people when they mispronounce something....................I know I know - what an annoying trait to have.
Last year someone mentioned to me that I mispronounced " especially "
No I said - I pronounce it correctly !
So they made me say it..............
OMG - I've been pronouncing it EKspecially and never realized it - I guess my entire life................how could I not have noticed it?
I don't like Netinyahoo...................just thought I'd throw that in there - practice makes perfect.
An elderly man had his home broken into by two assailants - one of them attacked him and bashed him on the head with a tire iron............
The elderly man managed somehow to get to his gun - and shot one of the assailants in the leg - the other ran off.................
The elderly man is now sitting in a jail cell - and could face a jail term higher than the 2 guys who broke into his house................BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T ARMED.
Had they been armed with guns it would have been a different story - but in my world blunt force with a freaking tire iron ( or crow bar ) on anyone let alone an elderly person it a W.E.A.P.O.N. -
Jesus how he wept.................( my Irish Grandmother's favorite expression )
Oh Canada - what's wrong with you?
Even I - who happen to be for gun control - cannot wrap my head around this one.............it's twisted and ugly and absolutely senseless.........and sends a terrible message to criminals.
Hell - why don't we just leave the doors wide open at night and let them come & go whenever they feel like it? Leave a pot of coffee on the counter for them? Some frozen dinners............you know - make them feel at home as they ransack our houses.
Isn't there a middle ground somewhere in all of this?
Does it have to be all or nothing?
Can the law not have exceptions like every other thing in life?
I despair................truly there's days when I just despair over the state of this world.
When my belief system - which is near and dear to my heart - is just ripped to shreds..............
Where I'm left thinking " ok - there's that argument shot to hell "
It's a mixed up - muddled up - shook up world
( except for Lola - EL OH EL AY - Lola )
I found a book in my " library " that I've had for ages and ages - it may have been my Grandmother's
It's Tallulah Bankhead's biography - haven't read it in probably 20 years so I started reading it last night.
John says - What are you reading?
Suzan says - Tallulah Bankhead
John says - Ta what what?
Suzan says - Tallulah Bankhead !
John says - What the hell is a Tallulah Bankhead?
Suzan says - She was a famous actress - how can I know about her and you not? You're older than me
John says - What did she star in?
Suzan says - I have no idea actually ..............but she lead one fascinating life dahling - I think she was more famous for being herself than for her acting
Suzan says - She slept with everyone - did cartwheels at parties with no panties on - got gonorrhea - did cocaine - was an alcoholic - chain smoked
John says - Sounds like a lovely person
Suzan says - Well I think underneath all of that - she was a lovely person.
John says - You're warped.
I had to google Gonorrhea to see how to spell it - so now I'm going to have ads showing up all over the place with cures for it.
What if I die in my sleep and my kids see that on my computer - dear God..................will they think that's what I died from?
Even if I wanted to delete that part of the post out - now I can't or they'd never know why it was on my search engine.
I have to think of all these things.
John called from the road yesterday -
John says - I'm running into the dollar store - do you want anything?
Suzan says - Yes please - I need 5 birdhouses.
John says - Oh for God's sakes - I'm being serious
Suzan says - So am I !
John says - I'm just running in for gum - I'm not picking up birdhouses - are you nuts?
John says - I don't know why I call and ask - you always want something ridiculous - in bulk
Suzan says - I was going to make one of your favorite supper's tonight..................
John says - I'll call you when I get there.................
And he came home with 5 bird houses.!
I LOVE THAT MAN.
John says - I don't think they're going to last very long outside Suzan - they're not made very well
Suzan says - Oh they're not for outside - they're for the mantel
John says - Dear God - I'm not even going to ask.
I think blogging has made me even more neurotic than I already was.
I never - not once in my life - thought of decorating a mantel for Spring ! For Valentine's day ! For Easter !
For Fall ! For Christmas ( ok - I always did for Christmas - but that was it )
And I'm not good at it - that's the sad part.
I'm not good with " themes "
But they're here - and they need to be painted so that's what I'm off to do !
Have a wonderful weekend everyone -
See you Monday