Friday, May 3, 2013

My True Love Gave to Me................

12 Months of Menopause

In the first month of menopause
My true love gave to me
A migraine to last eternity

In the second month of menopause
My true love gave to me
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity

In the third month of menopause
My true love gave to me
3 crying nights
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity

In the fourth month of menopause
My true love gave to me
4 new wrinkles
3 crying nights
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity

In the fifth month of menopause
My true love gave to me
5 days of hell
4 new wrinkles
3 crying nights
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity

In the sixth month of menopause
My true love gave to me
6 nights of praying
5 days of hell
4 new wrinkles
3 crying nights
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity

In the seventh month of menopause
My true love gave to me
7 ultimatums
6 nights of praying
5 days of hell
4 new wrinkles
3 crying nights
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity

In the eighth month of menopause
My true love gave to me
8 ways to leave him
7 ultimatums
6 nights of praying
5 days of hell
4 new wrinkles
3 crying nights
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity

In the ninth month of menopause
My true love gave to me
9 electric fans
8 ways to leave him
7 ultimatums
6 nights of praying
5 days of hell
4 new wrinkles
3 crying nights
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity

In the tenth month of menopause
My true love gave to me
10 minute lectures
9 electric fans
8 ways to leave him
7 ultimatums
6 nights of praying
5 days of hell
4 new wrinkles
3 crying nights
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity

In the eleventh month of menopause
My true love gave to me
11 " or else's "
10 minute lectures
9 electric fans
8 ways to leave him
7 ultimatums
6 nights of praying
5 days of hell
4 new wrinkles
3 nights crying
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity

In the twelth month of menopause
My true love gave to me
12 lawyers letters
11 " or else's "
10 minute lectures
9 electric fans
8 ways to leave him
7 ultimatums
6 nights of praying
5 days of hell
4 new wrinkles
3 nights crying
2 chocolate bars
& a migraine to last eternity.................................

Suzan says - I read somewhere that studies show that Menopausal women are more likely to poison their husbands.
John says - Really?  I read somewhere that Menopausal women are more likely to be drowned by their husbands..........

We don't have a pool
I'm safe for now......................
But there's a teeny tiny bit of poison in the basement ......................


I know it will pass......................it WILL pass........................Dear God it HAS to pass lol
I mean people pass kidney stones - this should be a piece of cake...................
Have a great weekend all
Hugs,








27 comments:

  1. Too funny Suzan!!!! Go easy on the 'poison'! ;)

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  2. I see the wine has worn off LOL! Have a great weekend Suzan!

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  3. Oh no. I'm right behind you. It seems very unfair to be a woman sometimes.

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  4. Hahahaha...hilarious! I'm headed toward that period in my life. That cartoon had laughing out loud!

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  5. Too, too funny! I'll be sure and let my hubby know what's coming...and I have a gun... :P

    -andi

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  6. Love love love! Wish I could say I can't relate. I CAN!!

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  7. Suzan
    You are so funny! I'm not in that "season" of life - yet - but I can still relate!
    ~ Megin of VMG206

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  8. Ahahahahaha!!! Brilliant.... and sooo hilarious!

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  9. Too Funny and Too True!!!!!!!
    Kris

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  10. Cute!! I suggest HRT ~ :)

    xo
    Pat

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  11. I'm so sorry Suzan! But it sure does give all of your readers something to laugh about!! LOL!!

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  12. I feel really bad that women have to go through this and I am not looking forward to it, but you are a riot and crack me up....that song will be in my head all night!!!LOL Have a great weekend.

    Cynthia

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  13. God, I'm already such a b*** each month during PMS, I wonder if my cats will just decide to leave me around menopause... Good thing they can't drown me, tough.
    Dear John, a medal is going to be sent to you, I bet!

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  14. Girl you are hilarious-My sister and I have made it through so it is doable-not pleasant-but definitely doable (with cocktails).

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  15. John is a champion just for not going fishing for months a time!!!!! But when the ice melts, do encourage him to go fishing....or something....just to give him a break.

    When you come out on the other side, you both will be so glad to see each other again.

    Other than that, eat more chocolate and get thee to the doctor for Gypsy Heart's Rx: HRT, temporarily. Better than standing in the dock waiting for the jury to come back in with a verdict.

    Hugs.....

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  16. I'm thinking the 12 months part is wishful thinking at best. You should probably start writing some more months' worth of verses. Or you may want to call your client with the wine bottle back over.
    Liz

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  17. It's strange how differently women deal with this stage of their lives. My mom and aunt have been dealing with it for more than 5 yrs and My grandmother thought it was all a bunch of hooey. She said she never had it. I was around her all my life and I don't recall any period of time that was different than another. Mom on the other hand... I'm happy she is 200 miles away. haha.
    You seem to deal with it using humor. That has to account for something. Keep the poison handy and hide any bucket that will fit your head.
    Cindy

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  18. Aww Suzan, I hope it gets better for you, soon. I'm older (just a bit!) and don't suffer as bad as you seem to be. Well, I don't think I do...I imagine Larry will disagree with me, but then it's all his fault anyway, really it is! Isn't it always?
    Thinking of you, take care.
    Debbie :)

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  19. Hi Suzan I used to sell little signs saying "I'm not having hot flushes I'm haming POWER SURGES- love dee x

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  20. Too funny!!!! You nailed it, Suzan!!

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  21. You poor woman!

    A lot to look forward to for me! I've had my first migraines ever this year at the "tender age" of 41. Nightmare! So debilitating.

    I use passionflower and L theanine to sleep.

    I'm so impressed that you were able to put menopause to 12 days! Very creative!!

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  22. Hi Suzan!!!

    I HATE MENOPAUSE!!!!!!!

    Being a diabetic and going through menopause is something else!! Yesterday (Sunday) I couldn't eat enough to bring my blood sugars up. I kept going really lo after a hot flash. Now, I'm exhausted from yesterday and all the lo's. It was driving my husband nuts because he just couldn't believe what was going on. I hope I'm not one of those women who in their 70's are still suffering with menopause!!

    At least we're going through it together!!

    Pam
    xox

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  23. i think you can drown in an inch of water.. but shhhh dont tell your husband! you better hide the poison too so you dont get tempted ;) lol hang in there!!

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    Replies
    1. I'd better start locking the bathroom door when I take a bath LOL
      XOX

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