Tuesday, April 23, 2013

TICT # 4 ( Total Couture Tuesday )

Morning all!
It's here - Total Tuesday Couture.
I want to start this post off by saying the SLOBS LADIES that are hosting this party are all complete nutcases - you have to understand that before you go further.............( we're all missing a vital blog gene it would seem )
We are in no way making fun of the fabulous " What I Wore Wednesday " series - which shows people looking their best - ALL we are doing is making fun of ourselves - because - well - that's what we do best.

I paint furniture.
A lot of furniture.
And for some reason I often paint furniture in my pj's - because:
A)  If I can't sleep at night I simply slip out of bed and grab a paintbrush
B)  Sometimes it's the first thing I do when I wake up
C) Often it's the last thing I do before I climb into bed.
D) I've grown quite fond of them

So my Total Couture Tuesday is about my pj's and John's horrified reaction to having to take photos

Suzan says - I need you to take some photos for the blog
John says - Sure - tell me when you're ready
Suzan says - I AM ready
John says - What the hell..............oh no you don't................
Suzan says - I don't want to have to go into a long story about this John - I just need you to take photos - that's all - that's it - period.
John says - What the hell is that on your head
Suzan says - It's a fancy shower cap...................
John says - WHY???????????
Suzan says - Sometimes I wear one to stop my hair from being covered in paint - YOU KNOW THAT -
we have to keep this real
John says - I've never seen you with that one on your head before - where's the other one?
Suzan says - I can't find the one I would normally put on - and this one is cuter anyway
John says - I'm not taking a photo of you like that - are you nuts?  You look absolutely ridiculous.

Suzan storms out of the bedroom - stomping her feet in fury - shower cap on my head and all -  what am I going to do?

Suzan says - do I have to call one of the kids to come take photos of me?
Suzan says - all the other husbands are just simply taking photos
John says - give me the bloody camera............
Suzan says - THANK YOU - sheesh

I have to tell you - I'm vain - you would never know it by these photos - but I'm vain - extremely so.........
AND I CANNOT BELIEVE I'M POSTING THESE - if that's not the ugliest photo.........and it's not nearly as ugly as the first " photoshoot " photos.................they were so horrific, that I couldn't look at them myself.
This is supposed to be a funny post - not something that's going to send people screaming away trying desperately to find a nice normal blog.

Suzan says - It's ugly
John says - Well you're the one that wants to put these on your blog
Suzan says - Well I wanted to look funny - not UGLY.................and OLD
Suzan says - Can you take another one?
John says - I can't make you look younger
John says - You may want to put a brassiere on ( looking straight at them )
Suzan says - You know, when it comes to being a romantic and saying all the right things - you've got them
all beat John - every last one of them

Let's hide my CANS boobies with CANS

Suzan says - My cap is on too low - you can't see my eyes - and they're my best feature
Suzan says - AND I  STILL LOOK OLD
Suzan says - it looks like I have a maternity top on
Suzan says - Can you take another one please?  I'm going to change my pajamas
John says -NO - it's not going to get much better - you'll still be in pajamas for God's sakes -
and you want to SHOW every one - I don't have time for this nonsense -
John says - I regret telling any of my customers about your blog - God - do I regret it...............

6 fun facts I learned from this post:

1) I would give anything - ANYTHING - to know how to airbrush -
2) Now I know why I never wear tights in public
3) I look like a biker chick ( from Mars )
4) John's a LOUSY photographer
5) I look like a hooker from Amsterdam (we don't age well  -  which you can read about HERE  )
6) My former life is catching up to me -

I used to be so tiny and petite - really - and " soft " looking - what's happening here?
I mean really, WTH is happening?
I look like one tough " mother " in these photos

Suzan says - You don't take good photos
John says - Well I'm doing the best with what I've got
Suzan says - Thank you - thank you very much
John says - Why don't you have that disgusting dressing gown you always have on when you paint?
Suzan says - It's my painting SMOCK..................
Suzan says - if you call it a Dressing Gown one more time - I'm going to throw up - It's called a housecoat
in North America -

The Mop is a Prop because I'm a Flop ( when it comes to housecleaning lately )
I could write my very own Dr. Seuss book......................
I look like an OLD crow in it..............but it's the best thing to wear when painting I swear to God lol
and I don't know why you can't see paint on it - because it's absolutely covered

channelling Carol Burnett - my mentor
Romance just oozes out of every part of my body..................with or without a bra, I'll have you know

John says - Once you post these, they're out there forever
Suzan says - I know - I'm terrified
But what Suzan doesn't say - is what terrifies her the most -
ANTHONY BOURDAIN may come across these one day....................
You can read about our relationship HERE

John says - who's idea was this anyways?
Suzan says - I'm not sure - had to be one of the other ladies - I can't imagine I would ever do anything like this had they not insisted on it...................

Suzan says - Should I post these photos?
John says - No - you shouldn't
John says - Please remember there's people out there that you may not want to see you like that
Suzan says - Would it embarrass you terribly if one of your customers saw this?
John says - Yes actually it would
Suzan hits publish - with a small smile on her lips..................

Have a wonderfully couture like kind of Tuesday
Please visit the other ladies and laugh AT with them too

Danni Silo Hill Farm
Mel Mellywood
Bliss Bliss Rand
Kirby Kirb Appeal

Love you Carol Burnett..........................


  1. Suzan ! You had me laughing so much - the tears are rolling down my cheeks !!!!! {my hubby was absolutely mortified when he had to take my pics - and yes, he is THE worst photographer ... really, I don't look like that in real life .. or do I??}

  2. Your paint clothes are positively snazzy compared to mine! And, people can see them forever and ever and ever. Your great grandchildren will read this someday, not to mention all potential lovers!

  3. Quite frankly had to call the hubs, I'm always saying have a look at this dresser or that table but never before have I said come look at my friends cans...laughing so hard. Your fab darling, and Johns business could only get better with these out there!

  4. Bwahaha! Favorite party EVER! I'm totally with you on the "I'm vain and can't believe I'm posting these pics" thing. OMG, LMAO!!!!!


  5. LMAO Suzan!! Really...I'm thinking about waking up Sam just for this!! I would love to see the faces of all the men googling Amsterdam Hookers when your photos pop up! You're awesome....and now...eternalized!

  6. LOL! My husband and I have very similar conversations. I swear he would divorce me if he didn't think I was on the verge of becoming somewhat famous.

  7. LMAO!!!! Too funny Suzan! I can't believe I'm actually taking part in this insanity!! How wonderful!!! I can just imagine that smile on your face. You are soooo bad!!! Love it!!

  8. I didn't know if I was going to get through this without choking on my morning coffee. And anyway, Suzan, you are just too darn cute. I always love the conversations you two have. I hear that Anthony is really a woman. You better be careful.

    Oh, BTW, I'm watching the TV news and they're talking about the new AI (artificial intelligence) cameras being installed - they pick up abnormal behavior. Better watch out, Suzan. lol

  9. Nice cans.....I've Pinned your picture on my fashion board, Tweeted it, FB'd it , LinksiSquared it, Instagrammed it, Clouded it, Bubbled it and will search diligently for ALL the social media I can find which will allow it.....cans and all.

  10. and this is why I say you are one of my most favourite bloggers.You don't care you say it as it is-love dee

  11. Did you use a body double? Because I still see a tiny petite woman.

  12. You could wear that shower cap on the street in Paris and be admired for your fashion sense.
    The bottom drawer of my dresser is for clothing that I've got paint on and can now be deemed 'painting clothes'. I can barely get that drawer closed because it's so packed full. The shower cap idea is genius, because I seem to have a problem with head butting my projects thus giving myself a crown of white/blue/black/yellow-whatever color I happen to be using that day.

  13. Awesome! Omg, so funny. Between you and Danni, I have a great smile this morning! Janelle

  14. Suzan, the banter between you two is so funny. I don't think it is a big deal that you published these. It's your work clothes. What else are you suppose to wear? Besides you look cute! And your brave!

    I have a weird outfit too for my projects, but there is no way I would post a photo because my daughter would be embarrassed. You know that age... But it's just a florescent, green tee that none of his client's wanted. I wonder why?....with orange yoga bottoms. My daughter hates it and calls it my "Home Depot" outfit. Why would anyone want to ruin their good clothes?!

    1. Well I for one would have love to have seen your Home Depot outfit!!!
      Thank for coming by!

  15. I'm glad I'm not the only one who had to bring attention to her boobs today...and there's a reason I took pictures myself and didn't ask the husband...he would have protested too much. Love the shower cap! Love the housecoat! Love that you weren't wearing a bra!

  16. YOU ARE SO FUNNY!!!!
    I love reading you and John's conversations :)
    I paint in my pjs too,doesn't matter with or without bra,furniture and brush can't see me or judge me anyway!lol

  17. That conversation is way too close to what happens at my house whenever I beg my husband to take a photo for my blog. Why can't they just shut up and take the perfect pic that makes us look young, slender and gorgeous, while showing the exact perfect angle of whatever craft we're trying to demonstrate? Hilarious post, Suzan!

  18. LOL- Well, I STILL think you are beautiful-even if you do have can shaped boobs....not mentioning the boob taking the pictures....xo Diana

  19. ps- I suppose that is "the outfhit foah the day" AND the ad that popped us is offering cotton nightgowns AND one on how to cut down on belly fat. I think they are mistaking your can boobs for belly fat? xo

  20. OMG...this is awesome!!! I love it, and I think you look adorable :)

  21. OMG, hilarious!! I want to get in on the fun! As soon as my mom's 70 Th birthday party is over, I'll have more time! This is a great party!!

  22. OH, I forgot that was today, woohoo how fun! I love it!!

    I'm going to go hop around, I shouldn't I have things to do, but I must. : )

    And you don't look anything but adorable despite all of those bloody awful things you said, yeeeesh. LOL at your conversation with your husband. :)

  23. I laughed thru your whole post! You girls are so fun! Glad I stumbled across you! Thanks for hosting the party!

  24. I first thought you were hiding in a closet in the photo. I guess that would be a whole 'nother story. Your John sounds just like my Chucks!

  25. Suzan you are SO funny! Gotta love that you shared these - it's just so fun!

  26. Oh, Suz! You crack me up. Will John be at our dinner together? I hope so. I hope to up his mortification level to a bazillion. I'm on my second bowl of the Cap'N and I think I'll put it down and start deleting my post after what that smart ass Lorraine said!
    YOU look adorable! Can I borrow your cap?
    xo, T.

  27. Totally freaking hilarious!! Thank you for the laughs! i paint in some crazy stuff, but have never taken a photo to share.....

  28. I love Carol Burnett!!! You look just like her hahahah. Love it. I have to post this on our stockist page. You go girl!!!!!!!!

  29. OMG! Just when I thought you couldn't do it again..I can't stop laughing..I could so relate!! Hilarious!! thanks so much for the laughs!!

  30. When John's customers or whomever finally see your blog and these pictures, could you be sure to have those conversations recorded as well? I think that to see this thing go full circle that's gonna be necessary...and a lot of fun. That last shot is perfect. Great work being yourself.

  31. HA...hahahahaha! Oh my gosh, Suzan! You are the biggest goofball I've ever had the pleasure to know, you know that??? lolol! I LOVE LOVE LOVE you for that, girl!!! I still think you need to compile all of those "thought-provoking" conversations with John and publish them as a self-help book for marriages in trouble. lololol!!!!! And by George, come hell or high water....we MUST meet up someday. There's so much I want to learn from you. hehehe!

    xoxo!!! laurie

  32. This is hysterical!!! That's all I can say, I love it, especially when you hit publish!! Thanks Suzan ~ Amy

  33. I feel you channelling Carol Burnett in this post, especially the pic with the mop!! If you saw most of your readers half the time, you would be in hysterics. I always read my emails first thing in the morning - in a ratty old housecoat and a pair of slippers that should have gone in the garbage months ago.

    And you don't look hard or old or fat!!! You look "real" (unlike so many photos out there).

  34. You look kinda cute! You're braver than me. I wasn't going to ask my husband to take pictures of me. I didn't want to have what would have been a conversation very much like the one you had.

  35. All I can say is ... YOU ARE A NUT! You crack me up every time I visit. Love the hat! Is that hipster? Or dumpster? LOL!

  36. I loved reading and laughing at that post... Not laughing at the picture, though; it's more your writing that cracks me up... Plus, good point for John, now I actually believe there are worse photographer than me!

  37. And you wore horizontal stripes!! You go!! Something I would never do. And they still didn't make you look 'fat', none of the pictures did, I wish I looked that good in my jammies.
    Oh yeah, Carol...classic Carol...and Vickie...
    Sorry I am so far behind in my emails...we (I) were looking after our 2 month old grandson since Tuesday...I haven't done midnight (every 3-4 hours) feedings in almost 33 years! So computer time suffered...baby came first.
    Debbie :)

    1. You know what Debbie?
      I saw this post on someone's else's computer - and I looked positively SKINNY in it - not so on mine so I now have to buy a computer exactly like that one LMHO

  38. I think you look adorable and Anthony would be mesmerized by you!

  39. OMG, wish I would have gone to the bathroom first before reading this post *blush*...hey I'm menopausal. Can't wait to check out the gals...thanks for the laughs this final day of 2013!


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